I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I party with great urgency now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
