My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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