I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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