My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
