whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
