I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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