He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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