it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
