dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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