You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
