And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
