I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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