he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
