why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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