I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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