it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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