party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
