Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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