oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
