Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
