i was born a porn star she said
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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