I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
