Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
