1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
