just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
