I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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