apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think i have two assholes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
