i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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