another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
