y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
