New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
