Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
