He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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