I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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