Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
