I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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