two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
