I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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