Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
