you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize