not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
