halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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