Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
