Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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