i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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