Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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