meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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