is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
