I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
