Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
