It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
