If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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