You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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