Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
