Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
