You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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