I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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