Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
