Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
